So you know I'm still alive, still surviving...

I don't have much time these days, as I'm preparing for my last core exam, to be taken this Monday. I thought I'd make a letter of this entry:


Dear Body, Brain, Spirit and Soul,

Thank you for bearing with me through the past 5.5 weeks of torturous studying and hardly a rest in sight, not to mention the past ten months of novel trials. What a weighty finalé to a spectacularly intense year of hard work; shell-shocking experiences (e.g. 1st Snow Belt Winter); emotional troughs; and dramatic changes. Please hang on with me until Monday at 1:30pm (possibly 2pm?) and I promise I will henceforth treat you, honour you, pamper you and indulge you in all the ways you deserve.
I have been somewhat more neglectful than usual this (scholar) year as I have been in a transitional period of life, one in which I had to deal with so many different changes at the same time. You are the reason I've survived this bridge in my life, this cave of uncertainties and frights. I am so grateful for your tolerance and resilience. Please continue to stand by me. I can see the cave's exit, I can almost smell the sunlight peering through, shyly. One more exam...

Love,

~Selina

Hump Day: Particularly peaked this week...

Another week has passed by -oh my! Time's been going by so quickly these days, and without too much worth telling I'm afraid. Monday through Wednesday were very heavy work-work-work days because our three classes' assignments are due on Wednesday and Thursday.
On Tuesday was my friend Brandon's (aka Bambi's) birthday, so on Monday evening I went to the mall to get him a cupcake to bring to him the next day. I walked in through The Bay entrance because that's the nearest one the bus leaves us by, and the first thing I see are these cute little black heels with a strap around the ankle and just my size! And the next thing I see is a huge sign above them saying, "30% off the lowest ticketed price"! And guess what the price sticker on them was: $15. After having tried them on for about a minute, I went over to the cashier and told her I'd take them. The bill including tax came to just over $11! I could barely believe it! That made my night.
Wednesday ("Hump Day") was particularly difficult this week. Macro is due on Thursdays, and a lot of computer programming work was required for this past week's assignment. On top of that, I decided to go to the 7:00am Pilates class at the UWO gym this week. I should get extra bonus points for that, too, because I set my alarm clock for 5:30am on Tuesday night, but then I woke up at around 5am on Wednesday a little dazed and still partially asleep... out of habit I looked over to my alarm clock to discover it wasn't lit up. I was so confused. My alarm clock is pretty old (I'm pretty sure I got it for my birthday party when I was in grade 4... almost 15 years ago) so I thought maybe it had finally died. I reached over to my cellphone on the nightstand that was supposed to be charging and noticed it wasn't charging (but it was still on so that's how I learned it was 5am). I set the alarm on my cell phone and slept for an extra half hour, then I got up, lit a candle and got dressed by candlelight. It was very lovely and classique. Then, I went to the kitchen and started bracing myself for having to eat cold bread and water for breakfast (instead of my usual toast and tea). Just as I opened the loaf's bag, though, the clock on the stove flickered on and the refrigerator's motor started sounding again (it's very loud)! Perfect timing! So I got to have my warm breakfast after all. Delightful!
The rest of the day went by without too much of a scuffle, except that we were having trouble with out Macroeconomics code, so we were at it until almost 9pm. And I'd been on campus for 14 hours by the time I finally got to head home. So that was my enormous-hump Hump Day...
On a different note, the social issue has been calmer this week. At the beginning of the week there were fluctuations between unpleasant and uncomfortable and reasonably calm, but towards the end of the week I think things had settled down a bit and I feel better about it now.
That brings us to this weekend. On Friday we celebrated Bambi's birthday at his place. Nothing too crazy happened. We played some games and drank some beer. I miss Granville Island beer. Beer is better in BC, but oh well. Then on Saturday I went to Pilates class with the same teacher in the same studio but this time only at 10am. Then I spent the remainder of most of the day working on homework with Hiro. Only he and I and one other person - Youngmin - were in the office that day. Then Hiro and I had plans to go see the UWO Opera at 8pm, so at around 5:15pm I headed home to make some dinner. I was back at 7:30pm. Unfortunately I had had to run out the door to catch the right bus and in the hurry I'd left my phone at home. When I got back to the office, Hiro was gone. I figured he had left for the theatre because I didn't see any of his belongings around, so I started heading towards where I thought the theatre was, but I got lost and ended up on what I now know is the complete wrong side of campus. I was walking and walking for about 20 min. until finally I decided I didn't know where I was going and so I gave up and walked home. I had to walk home because there was no bus going to my home from where I'd ended up and even if there had been I didn't know what time it would be arriving, and busses don't run very frequently on Saturday evenings in London. I got home at 8:30pm. Fortunately it wasn't terribly cold and I was well prepared so I got home without any cold-damage. I missed the opera, though, but I was feeling tired so I felt it wasn't the best day for me to go anyhow.
I slept a lot last night - about 10 hours, which was luxurious and delicious. I ended up going to the opera today, Sunday. I haven't even told you yet - they were performing Mozart's Le Nozze Di Figaro. It was absolutely excellent! It definitely surpassed my expectations. Hiro went with me this afternoon and said that the performers were even better than those last night, so another bonus for going today instead of yesterday. The music is absolutely fantastic, and the storyline is both comical and deep and touching. I laughed a lot and cried a little. I think anyone and everyone should see this opera because the music is a masterpiece worth experiencing. I sat there entirely entertained and moved and having heart palpitations for 2.75 hours. Furthermore, the direction for the singers was very good. Their acting was very credible and enticing, and their subtleties were so humorous and suggestive. And I felt as though all the way through you could feel the sense of humour and the soul and genius of Mozart pouring through all those bodies and all those notes and all that spirit. It was definitely the highlight of the week and possibly the highlight of my year thus far.

Mmmm... Mozart...

Just because it's a Social Science doesn't mean its students are socially apt.

Hello again,

I didn't end up writing last weekend because not a lot that was all too exciting happened the previous week. This past week hasn't been all that "exciting" either, per se, but I'm feeling a bit aggravated, so brace yourself for what may becoming a one-sided venting session. This entry will focus mainly on my two friends Zina and Peter. You may remember them from past entries, but if you don't then let me introduce you briefly. Peter and Zina and I have been some of the closest friends since the beginning of the program. Our friend Chris has also been close, making us somewhat of a quartet. Chris and Peter were friends and Zina and I had just started making friends with each other when somehow our two couplets joined and I think for a while perhaps Zina got closer to Chris and I got closer to Peter-- non-romantically, let me assure you. Well at some point towards the middle or end of last semester, that changed and Zina started moving closer to Peter and I moved more towards Chris-- again, non-romantically. Chris and Peter both did a mathematics undergraduate degree at MacMaster University. Zina also did her Master's and MBA at MacMaster, but she'd never met Chris or Peter before coming to London, whereas Peter and Chris had had a class or two together in their undergraduate years. Peter went on to do a Master's in Math at the University of Toronto and Chris did his graduate studies in math at MacMaster before coming here. This is all neither here nor there as I don't think it will contribute much to my story, but I hope I have convinced you we were all very good friends since the start of the program. Okay so let me get started with my current update.
So anyway I didn't see Peter and Zina until around noon on Tuesday. A bunch of us were casually talking during lunch when Zina said to someone else something like, "Ya we finished Macro..." which felt like it was directed at me (maybe I'm paranoid) but what I may have failed to mention is that ever since Zina and Peter started becoming closer friends about two months ago, they always make these little comments that are slightly passive-aggressive or meant to be subtly aggravating. It's very obvious to me, but they disguise it so as to not come out as obviously annoying. Anyhow, I generally just let it slide, but I was a little bothered by the fact that they'd abandoned me and gone and finished the assignment on their own, adding that they had checked their answers with some of our most Macro-savvy classmates and gotten the same results. It also seems that since Zina and Peter have gotten closer they've gotten ultra competitive, but also almost in a disguised way. Perhaps it's because they're both competitive and attracted each other that way. We have a saying in Spanish that says that "God creates them and the Devil brings them together," suggesting - of course - that people with similar worst qualities seem to be drawn to each other via those worst qualities. So, those qualities become ever more pervasive around us instead of being softened, as they might be if instead people were attracted to others who counterbalanced their negative qualities with positive qualities of their own. Anyhow, it's not always a very comfortable or soothing atmosphere for me in their presence.
Well it gets worse. After classes, there was our department's regular "Tuesdays Tea and Cookies" at the Faculty Lounge. We all went down after class and were the first ones there. Most of us first years were sitting in a big circle talking. After a while more people started arriving from upper years as well as faculty members. A few minutes later I went over to the 2nd-year-students' circle and my main purpose was to ask one of them if we could perhaps move one of our TA sessions to a more convenient day for all of us, but the other thing is that whenever upper-level students are around during departmental meetings, I like to talk to them too - perhaps even more than I like talking to the first years - but it is because I get to see and talk to and hang out with the first years all the time. I hardly get to see the others outside these departmental gatherings. Anyway, I was only talking in their circle for a few minutes, then I went back down to the office to grab my stuff and continue my trek towards coding and completing Macro Problem Set #1. After about 30min. I wanted to go compare my numbers with one of my other friends and classmates in the office, Hiro. So I went to the office and Zina and Peter are there, almost waiting for me so they could start their usual ridiculous attack on me. They were talking so loudly at me and with so much attitude and so simultaneously that I could barely even comprehend what they were saying.
I don't even really know what they said because I was fuming mad. What I caught of it was something along the lines of they were teasing me 'cause I'd gone to talk to the 2nd years, the "TAs" again. And then Zina said something about they don't care if I leave them for the 2nd years even though I'm one of the only girls in the program because they (the 1st year guys) like Zina better than they like me anyways. And I was like "What the fuck are you guys talking about?" And I can't remember the rest of it -- it was kind of a blur what they were saying cause I was so angry. And they kept poking so I literally flipped them off and walked out of the office pretty enraged at them for their continuous attempts to aggravate me. I went back to Matlab. Hiro wasn't in the office anyway. Then, when I got back to Matlab, I realized I'd forgotten my worksheet and my water in the office. Grr! Well of course I couldn't go back and face them right away. So I got to wait a couple of minutes and then finally had to go back and they were on their way out and sandwiched me in hugs and apologized and I guess we kind of made up. It was still a little awkward though... One or two hours after they'd left I finished my Macro Assignment and checked my values with others and was pretty confident I'd done things properly. It was very satisfying and I went home quite contently.

Wednesday. Fortunately not much head-butting. On Wednesday mornings there's a Pilates class at 7am at the university gymnasium. It's free for students and I really wanted to check it out, so I was up at around 5:30am that morning and managed to push myself out of bed and make it to the gym on time. It was so difficult to get out of bed but once I was on my way it was such a treat to be out before the sun came up and before most people were out on the streets. It was so peaceful and quiet and the dimness of the light was calming. Actually, most of the light outside was coming from the whiteness of the snow. The Pilates class was pretty good, too. I was just a little disappointed that it started about ten minutes late and finished ten minutes early because it's only a one-hour class. I could have gone for an extra twenty minutes. That was Wednesday's highlight.

Thursday. Macro Assignment Due. I noticed I needed to tweak one value in my Macro Code before emailing it in. For some reason Zina and Peter also had to type up output for their code before sending it in. They asked me something regarding my values and I replied, but then all scolding-like they told me "No, you're wrong." They told me that certain values weren't even comparable given my output but I was confident that I was right and they were wrong so I calmly replied that I had used other values for comparison. They tried to be all diminutive in their tone but I heeded little attention to them. So anyhow they finally admitted they might be wrong and I ended up spending about 20-30min. helping them correct their answers. I wish they hadn't been in the computer lab with me at that time and had just suffered loss of marks, but alas... I think they were a bit frustrated I'd been right and they'd been wrong, which was particularly difficult to accept since they'd gloated so much about being done so soon and had huffed and puffed fire at me, so sure that they were right...
Well that wasn't the end of everything. After classes we had decided to work on another assignment together. Why? Our new Econometrics class is a bit irking because we're expected to hand in group assignments with an unspecified number of people per group. A lot of people, including Zina and Peter, wanted to be in a group with me, which is fine but there can be significant distribution of labour under such circumstances. I had gone down to the office to find my group with Zina and Peter and Chris but none of them were there so I went to the computer lab with a number of other people from our class and we started working on the assignment there. Eventually Zina, Peter, and Chris showed up. They got to work too, but they were a bit behind us who had started slightly earlier. Perhaps they were a bit peeved that I'd started working with others without them but they didn't say anything. So now there were about nine of us taking over a computer lab and all working away. Everything was going alright until I heard these Chris and Peter behind me arguing about a small detail. In truth Chris was stating a point and Peter was arguing at him. I turned around and Peter was making a big fuss. I didn't really understand what he was asking/wondering/arguing about because it was hard to focus on the words coming out of a loud and repugnant mouth. I finally figured what he was saying and the problem was really just a semantics issue. Something to the effect of a difference between "approximate" and "asymptotic" distributions. I was trying to reiterate to Peter what the professor had said in class when out of nowhere he blew up at me in this horribly hostile, completely disrespectful, uncalled-for and inexcusable dissonance: "No, Selina. You're WRONG. And if you believe what you're saying right now then you're not as good at Econometrics as you think you are."
...
Silence as everyone in our group turned to look at him in bafflement and shock...
...
I was struck in absolute disbelief at the way he had spoken to me, but I regained my composure to turn and find my notebook and show him the lecture points backing up what I was saying. At first he still didn't make sense of it and still thought I was wrong but then switched on a dime to saying that he understood that just fine and it's just as he was saying but that it only held for "approximate" and not for "asymptotic." It was precisely as I'd said and written down for him, but he was convinced that what he had said was what was in the notes and I was saying something otherwise. I'm not sure if he truly believed he'd been right and I'd been wrong because his ego couldn't allow him to believe otherwise, or if he was just trying to save face after his explosion in front of everyone. Neither in the earlier episode with the Macro or in this episode with the Econometrics was I trying to outdo him, but since his unacceptable rudeness towards me I'll say now: Selina 2, Peter 0.

It's still not over. Later that night we went out to a pub to celebrate Chris's birthday with most of the first year students and a few of the second year students. At one point I had to get up to go use the washroom and we were all sitting around a booth so when I came back, almost by default, I ended up sitting next to Peter. A couple hours passed without too much disturbance, but Peter was drinking more and more and I was completely sober. Without avail, Peter's earlier blow-up at me came up and he told the story to some second-year students who had missed witnessing the horror. Peter was now abhorrent in his stupor as he threw a very rearranged version of the story out onto the table. The way he told it was if I'd been saying something wrong and he changed the words that he'd actually said to me to something less brutal... and when he said it between chuckles and laughter and told in good humour, sure it doesn't seem that bad, but of course that's not the way it'd actually happened. Shortly after that I called it a night and I was home by around 10pm (much earlier than most nights under those circumstances). I just couldn't handle being around certain people and their lunacy anymore.
On a positive note, my negative emotions have started subsiding, though they are difficult to push aside entirely sometimes, mostly because those two seem to make it their pastime to try and prick me. But my weekend was almost void of them and surrounded only be wonderful, positive people, so that was calming.
I guess that's it. That brings us to the end of another week.
As always, thank you for reading.

Happy New Year!

Dear readers,

I apologize for not having written in SO long! The last part of last semester turned into a hectic frenzy of studying and some surprises. I cannot update you in full detail as to everything that happened since I last updated (partially because my detailed recollection of events is limited and partially because it would take too long), but there are several little tidbits I thought I'd fill you in on before starting back up for this coming semester.
First of all, November flew by with a significant number of post-midterm and pre-final-exams celebrations. These included a few outings to the clubs and pubs of London, a house-party, a house-gathering, and I even hosted gathering of my own at my apartment, where we lit a fire and talked and hung out and roasted some marshmallows.
Zina helped me prepare for the party and we decided to make a Betty Crocker cake. Unfortunately I only have one 8" pie pan to use for baking, and the cake-mix box makes enough batter for two such pans, so we poured half the batter into my pie pan, and we poured the other half into a completely metallic little saucepan that I have, and we put both of them in the oven. My guests arrived shortly before the cakes were ready. Somehow the pie-pan one cooked more quickly than the other one. When the saucepan cake was ready, I took it out carefully with oven mitts but then a couple of minutes later I wasn't thinking and I grabbed the saucepan's handle as I regularly would (when it hadn't just come out of the oven) and I burned my right hand. I was able to alleviate the pain temporarily by running my hand under the tap or holding ice to it in a towel, but as soon as my hand started warming up again the pain began to ignite again, and it felt as though I'd just burned it all over again. After about an hour and a half of my whimpering and whining, and after having taken two Advil and lotioned my hand with Polysporin (neither of which were helping much), one of my invitees insisted on going to the drug store before it closed and finding me something to help my poor hand. He left with Zina because she'd brought her vehicle and Loblaw's (the closest store having a pharmaceuticals selection) was about to close in about 15 minutes. They brought me back this bottle of green "Medicated Lidocaine Gel" called, "Solarcaine." It worked like a charm. I covered my hand in green goop and it started soothing and cooling. I kept having to reapply as the night went on, but the next day when I woke up, my hand was out of pain! Yay! So that is my brief word-of-mouth (word-of-fingers may be more appropriate a term in this case) advertisement for Solarcaine.

Up until the end of November, there had been not even a glimpse of snow in London. I was starting to come to terms with the fact that I might be leaving to go back to Victoria before the first snowfall in London. It had even already snowed in Victoria in November! But come December 1st, it snowed. It didn't stick that day, but it snowed. Then it snowed every day after that that I remember.
Our first final exam was to be held Friday December 10th, and we were supposed to have classes that week, Monday through Wednesday. On Monday (the 6th of December) it took me forty-five minutes to get to school (it usually takes me 20 minutes if I walk) because the weather was so bad that traffic was a continuous slow crawl and I couldn't cross the road without a light as I usually can (shh! Don't tell about my jay-walking)... so I missed two busses that come within two minutes of each other. It was so cold and windy and snowy that I didn't want to risk walking. The other problem was that the snow had accumulated a lot over night and there hadn't been much of a chance for the city's plows to clear out the roads or the sidewalks, so I wasn't sure how I'd deal with walking to school, as at this point I didn't have snow boots, only some leather rain-boots... My feet were very cold even just waiting for the bus. I went to the sheltered bus stop by my apartment buildings and waited and waited and waited. There was a delay or something, I'm sure. Then the bus was packed and wet and everyone was saying, "I don't understand how today isn't a Snow Day at Western!" Well I finally made it and fortunately I'd left early enough to make it to my first class, Math, on time. During Math class (10:00-11:30am), the university sent an email declaring the rest of the day as a "Snow Day," that is, classes were cancelled for the rest of the day. Excitement and thankfulness swooped through all of us as we started making plans to get back home in the snow. The busstops filled with students, and taxis started arriving like ants to take advantage of the situation and collect the overflowing mounds of student-crumbs that were fleeing the buildings around campus. Line-ups for the busses were so long and wide that it became almost impossible to get across the sidewalk.
Little by little we each managed to get home safely and soundly -after having frolicked a while in the feet-deep snow, of course. And then everyone half-studied and wished earnestly that we wouldn't have school the next day. All us first years were at this point extraordinarily exhausted from the entire semester, weighed down by the stress of the upcoming final exam period, and feeling completely saturated with information. But last time I'd hoped for a day off was before the Microeconomics midterm when there was the possibility of a strike. Then no strike happened. This time it was just before the Microeconomics final exam so I didn't let myself get my hopes up, nevertheless, I silently wished the snow would keep falling and accumulating... and when I woke up the next day, my eyes were only half-open when I yanked my blankets off and threw my body across my room to grab my laptop and check my email for updates on what UWO would do regarding the weather. Hallelujah! The University was declared closed. All classes were "cancelled due to weather conditions". When we checked the Internet for weather forecasts, it said, "WARNING-- Snow squalls in London..." So yay! A whole day off! The snow was at least three feet high at this point, and it still wasn't stopping! It was literally a winter wonderland and I was thanking my lucky stars... Then, about half-way through that day (Tuesday the 7th of December), there was notice that the London Transit Centre (the bus services in London) were to be shut down, again due to the weather conditions. They were shut down from around 3pm that day and made notice that they would not be running the following day, Wednesday, either. Subsequently, UWO announced that it, too, would be closed for Wednesday. Wednesday was supposed to be the last day of classes, so Hallelujah! We finished a whole two and a half days earlier than anticipated! What a glorious day that was. I wish I could have told you that I spent those extra days off studying feverishly and that I took full advantage of additional study time, but the truth is that I was so worn down and deflated from the previous 3.5 months (remember I started review classes in August), that having a couple of days of a breather and some procrastination was inevitable. I did study, but not as much or as hard as I would have liked.
Then, exams happened. It wasn't a great streak of exams for me, but I survived. In particular I didn't do any worse than the average. The worst of the exams was Macroeconomics. We worked hard and studied previous final exams, but when our exam came around, it was completely different than past exams (with the exception of about 30%), and much more difficult, too. We were tested on material we hadn't even had assignments on, and there were about 617 slides to review (I can't remember the exact number, but we counted)... Unbelievable.
Anyhow, that's all over now and since I now have my marks back I know I survived without too badly of a scratch.
The last final is also something worth mentioning. We had about three days between our second-to-last final and our last final. The last final exam was Econometrics. Three days to study for that one and that one alone was more than we'd had for any other exam (besides the first one, Microeconomics, due to those three snow days). Everything since the midterm for that course had come in such a blur and at such a speed that we were all very much behind and very lost when we began to study for the final. Somehow, though, having felt so unsatisfied with the way the past finals had passed and with Econometrics being my best and favourite subject, I managed to step it up and focus and study appropriately. Still, there was a significant amount of material and we had little reference because there was not much of a hint as to what would be important vs. non-important to know for the final exam, and the professors notes were sometimes a bit unclear, so we had to push through over 200 pages and 4 chapters of text-book (which was sometimes also unclear) to get a better understanding of what had happened since the midterm. Whereas for other subjects I studied sometimes with a group, Econometrics I decided to study almost exclusively on my own. When the final exam came, it was supposed to be two hours long, beginning at 10am. The exam was somewhat surprising in its content. Whereas on the previous final exam (which we had studied) and previous assignments there had been a great focus on one subject in particular, this exam had not a single question on that subject (limiting characteristics). Also, we had all bet that one particular chapter would not be tested (or at least not tested heavily) on that exam because we had covered only one side of one page of notes on that chapter, but we were wrong. That chapter made up 25% of our exam (although it was a generalization of another chapter). Anyway, I don't want to get too into it, but it was surprising... So there we were, scratching our way through the answer-booklets to try and get through the exam when the fire alarm went off. We all stopped, looked around at each other almost chuckling. Someone suggested we keep writing, so we did. We weren't being invigilated because our professor told us, "You are graduate students, you're not going to cheat, so I don't need to watch over you..." We kept writing for a couple of minutes, until the professor came back and told us perhaps we should clear out. We all crowded out of the building and went outside to the snow, some of us carrying our books, etc. We were told not to discuss the exam while we were outside - in the snow, might I add, though it was not snowing at the time. We were out there for about 15-20min. with only the final exam on our minds. I'm not going to tell you that we did mention the exam, but I'm not going to tell you that we didn't, either. Another unbelievable exam! When we went back in we were given extra time - thank goodness! I still don't know how well I did on that exam, but judging by my final grade I guess I wasn't too far off.
And that was it! The end of semester 1! I went back to Victoria a couple days later. It was so wonderful to get back. When I got off the airplane it was sunny with blue skies and +12 degree weather! I'd been coming from -13 degree weather so for that first day I walked around in short sleeves and a scarf outside. The best part, of course, was seeing my dear family and in particular my little sister whom I always miss while being out here in London. I only had ten days to be back home, but they were lovely and revealing to me. As much as I missed Victoria out here - especially towards the end of December, when I was back at my old home, I missed my London home. I missed the extra space and quietness and ownership I felt for my apartment. I missed the lack of things crowding out my rooms, and I missed the snow - though it was a treat to see the ground and green grass again. Moreover, after having spent a week in Victoria, I started to feel that yearning to fly away from there. I don't know why. I still enjoy Victoria a lot. Definitely it is much more romantic a city than London, with its Ocean and its Mounts and its mountains-on-the-horizon picturesqueness, its natural beauty and its secluded havens. Also with its old-and-new downtown, its uniqueness of shops and alleys, its Solstice Café organic hot chocolate with almond milk (which, of course, I indulged in and it soothed my soul). But it is not where I need to be right now, and it is all too familiar, all too known, unsurprising, and thus... unstimulating to me. It is my old, gold friend, and in my greenness I am following my desire to explore a different friendship...

And now I'm back in London, and though I miss my Victoria-bound family and friends, I am feeling home. This semester's courses begin tomorrow. This past week we had different faculty professors come to talk to us about their research. We are to choose one of these professors to work with over the course of this semester, and we are to prepare a research proposal and give a presentation at the end (ah!) No homework this week, though. After classes has been a series of going out with my friends, celebrating, catching up, and socializing. It's been slightly tiring because I've still been getting back to this timezone, but it's been exciting and lovely to be back. My Visa bill isn't going to be pretty this month, but well worth the past month's fun and activities.
And I guess that's where we're at now. I'm trying to bring back the blogging for 2011! Thanks for reading and thank you for your patience with me during my burnout of last month.
Happy New Year, everyone!
~Selina

Daylight Time Savings Saves the Day

I wrote this entry weeks ago but things have been crazy busy lately and I haven't had time to update. Anyhow, here's a long overdue update.... I wish Daylight time savings were every week...

It's been such a long and dreary past couple of weeks. Midterms have been flying left and right. Let's begin from the last week of October. The first midterm that week was Math. It was difficult for me and I didn't do very well, but fortunately, since we're in graduate school, everything get scaled upwards hugely. The second midterm that week was "Econometrics" which was really a Statistics midterm because we haven't actually started Econometrics material yet. Everything we've done in the course so far, I've studied during my undergraduate degree. Needless to say, I did pretty alright on the midterm. I was kind of frustrated, though, because there was one integration question that I couldn't quite get. I couldn't figure out to complete a difficult square with about 6 different terms in it -- something I haven't really done since highschool. Anyway, it fortunately didn't affect my mark too badly.
That weekend was Halloween weekend. I had decided to have some people over at my place, but on Friday after I'd finished teaching my tutorials, I still didn't have a costume, so Zina, Peter, and I headed all the way to East London by bus and went to a Value Village, which - of course, had been and was being continuously raided
by a pack of hungry unprepared, costumeless wolves looking for a desperate disguise the weekend before Halloween. Of course I was among this pack when I arrived. Almost nothing worthy was available! I finally found this red velvet, long, not-all-too-flattering dress and decided I could pull off a Lady Macbeth from it. $10 later we were out of the store. Peter also bought a couple of items to dress as the March Hare from Alice in Wonderland. Zina was all set - her aunt made her a fancy Queen of Hearts dress (also from Alice in Wonderland - I guess I was third wheel...)
After that, we walked in the cold to a Dollar Giant and bought some Halloween décor for my place. Then we had dinner at a franchise restaurant whose name I can't remember but it was okay and then we finally got back when it was dark and cold. The next day was my party. I was pretty stressed, though, partially because I had to hostess a party and partially because I felt like there wasn't enough time to tend to Halloween as well as get through all my homework on time. Needless to say, I didn't get much homework done that day. I decorated with fake cobwebs and spiders and this banner of blood that made it look like the apartment upstairs (if there were an apartment upstairs) had gone on a murderous rampage and the blood was seeping through the ceiling and down my walls.
Hiro, who dressed as an eggplant, came over and we walked to the University because there was a Halloween "Dinner and Pre-drinking" party at the Grad club. Hiro got beeped at by cars all the way to the University because everyone loved his costume. I didn't even dress up to go to the Grad club because I wasn't in the mood - because I was stressed. We met Peter and Zina at the Grad Club, but the party was not very good. Hardly anyone was there and it wasn't very well prepared or organized or decorated or anything.
Then we walked back home to my place and it got better. More and more people kept showing up (I had invited everyone in my program as well as all our TA's (four of them) in second year PhD). I think the maximum we had in my place at the same time was ten people. Everyone liked the apartment, so I was more comfortable once the party got going. We watched The Hangover, which was stupid and funny, and everyone was drinking except me, who had just a glass of wine at the beginning of the party. The only problem was that the buzzer wasn't working so I kept having to go downstairs to let people in, and sometimes they didn't have a cell phone so they'd give me an approximate time of arrival before they left home. It all added to the fun, though. And the party was pretty good until it started getting late. One person started feeling sick so he was getting ready to go home, but just before he left there was a projectile vomiting incident. It wasn't horrible, but it started all of a sudden and a few drops of red wine throw-up got on my carpet. Fortunately a bunch of the guests helped me clean it all up. Slowly and one by one the guests started leaving except for Zina and our TA's (two of them showed up). They didn't leave until 4:30am! OMIGOSH! And it was only because I was falling asleep on the couch and eventually someone said, "I think Selina wants us to go now." And I answered with something along the lines of, "Yes, please leave."
I finally got to bed at around 5am and then woke up at around 8:30am or so the next morning to clean up my place and erase all evidence of last night's horrors (the "blood" on the walls, the stain and dirt on the carpet, the "cobwebs" and plastic spiders, etc. I was thoroughly exhausted and had to spend the rest of the day at school doing homework -- fortunately, so did everyone else. Worse, though, I got pretty sick that day. The next day - Monday - I had a headache and a head cold. It felt like there was so much pressure in my head, and that made it very difficult to study for the midterm that was coming up on Thursday (Microeconomics -- the teacher has a reputation of making tricky midterms for that course). On Tuesday, Daddy drove all the way from Toronto to London just to see me for the couple of hours I had off that day. We had an early dinner together and he brought me firewood for my fireplace. I'm so grateful for that firewood and for getting to see Daddy because now I can sit in front of the fireplace in the evenings with roaring fire - so romantic and beauteous! - and I needed a touch of home in my life that day. Unfortunately, though, it did make me miss home and my family a lot, and I did feel slightly upset and lonely. The remainder of Tuesday and Wednesday were spent semi-studying, semi-panicking about the midterm, but we had last year's midterm to study from, and it seemed pretty reasonable, so that helped me feel slightly less insecure about the midterm. Thursday came and went. The midterm was the worst exam I've ever written in my life.

The Calm before The Storm

After having written last Sunday, the remainder of the day was dedicated to solving a Microeconomics assignment and a brief break. On Sunday afternoon, Hiro, Zina, Youngmin (another of our cohort members) and I walked from our office out to Alumni Hall (another building on campus) and attended a performance of the University of Western Ontario's student symphony which featured its Concerto Competition winner, a talented pianist named Timothy. The concerto, Saint-Saëns's Piano Concerto No.2, was superb! The orchestra and pianist put on quite a virtuoso spectacle. It made the follicles on my freshly-shaven legs stand on end, and everyone threw themselves up into a roar of applause and a standing ovation at the closing bar. I was impressed. I was particularly impressed because where the concert was hosted was not at all impressive. Where at UVic such a concert would have been hosted at the University Auditorium, with a gigantic stage and scenic backdrop (an organ), this one was hosted in what seemed to be a huge gymnasium with a stage at the front. There were also rows of theatre-like seats kind of across the gymnasium floor from the stage (so the gym floor was sandwiched between the stage and the rows of theatre-like seats). The gym floor was covered with bright blue plastic - perhaps to prevent the chairs that had been set up there from scratching the gym floor. We sat in those chairs because they were closest to the orchestra and the piano. Then the background on the stage was also somewhat bizarre. It was a large number of greyish panels that were straight across the back and kind of curved into the stage at the sides. And from the ceiling of the stage hung different colors of cloths, like banners, in various widths of trapezoids. It was all very tacky and unappealing and nonsensical. To say the least, it was a strange juxtaposition to the classical and romantic music we were going to hear. Before the concert started I thought to myself that UWO puts emphasis on its sports, and so when it has to host an artistic performance, it just does so in its sports halls. This must be the case, but it doesn't mean its art is poor. The orchestra was in fact very good, and the pianist - he was great! The only thing I can critique was the last piece that the orchestra played. It was Brahms' fourth Symphony and perhaps quite a challenging piece for an orchestra that had likely only been preparing together a couple of months. The opening section of the first movement had some strange-sounding areas and I'm pretty sure the violins were a bit flat, but it got better as it went along and finished with a bang. Overall it was a perfect break from a heavy week (and weekend) of work.
The rest of the week went by calmly but with growing, bubbling nerves in our stomachs because this upcoming week has two midterms: "Economic Mathematics" and "Econometrics" (which is really Statistics and Mathematical Statistic Theory right now). The upcoming week was supposed to have three midterms but our Microeconomics professor told us that that if we all reached a consensus, we could have the midterm moved to one week later, and finally the consensus was reached. Phew!
I went to a beautiful concert on Wednesday evening, too. It was the "London Orchestra" concert that was held at St. Paul's Anglican Cathedral downtown. It was beautiful and the main reason I wanted to go was because the performance was to include Mozart's Piano Concerto No.23, possibly my favourite (I don't know them all yet...) but that piece was the weakest on the program... at least in my opinion. There was too much reverberation in the piano's notes (perhaps due to the pianist, perhaps due to the acoustics of the cathedral) and the second movement was played perhaps a hair too fast for my liking. Still it was a treat, and we got student-rate tickets. This time I went with Hiro, Peter, and we met Sunghoon there (more people from my program). We actually claimed a pew as the Economics pew (among the four of us). When we left that evening it was raining and the sky was a dark, cloudy pink, colour. It was very romantic and stunningly beautiful.
Thursday was a difficult day. Who knows why? Perhaps it was the full moon. Everyone was feeling down and out, and nerves were perhaps flying high. But it got better as the day went along... as it usually does. Also, scholarship applications are still due. I'm late on my SSHRC (Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council) application now. I'm frustrated about these applications being mandatory, too, because there is just not enough time to put a reasonable amount of effort into them right now. Midterms and other dire tasks (such as (i) assignment completion and (ii) personal upkeep) take priority. I also have started having brief episodes of homesickness. London is very beautiful and for the most part people are nice, but customer service still appalls me with its lethargy, unnecessarily long waiting times, and the people's listlessness towards clients (and possibly towards life). I shouldn't be so all-encompassing with those statements. Some representatives have been sweet and energetic and helpful, but not many. Also, I miss Victoria's unique, full-of-character coffee shops, its authenticity. Oh! And lest I forget to mention the ocean's absence. I must admit, however, though, the river is equally tantalizing to me... if only it weren't kept at such a distance by the various and many traffic bridges that pass over it. There's really no way of safely being close enough to feel its energy. And of course I miss being close to everyone or anyone who is close to my heart. Don't get me wrong. My cohort here is wonderful and I am very grateful to be part of such a friendly and intelligent and altogether fantastic group, but all that does not entirely make up for being unmistakeably distant from those whom I love and the city that will always hold a precious place in my heart.
My next midterm (Math) is on Monday, so I have to go study for that now, but I hope you have enjoyed my brief and perhaps not all too informative but honest entry for another week.
Until next time...

Thanks to ye men who invented such technology as dishwashers, contraceptives, and especially laundry machines, all of which allowed us women to leave home, continue having empty wombs past twenty years of age, avoid scrubbing and wringing our hands' skin off, and most importantly: thank you for giving us the freedom and time to explore the depth of our minds' potentials...

This week has been somewhat of an oddity. Perhaps partially because Monday was off, perhaps because it falls approximately half-way through semester (so does the upcoming one), perhaps because the weather changed abruptly to the crisp chill one would expect of Autumn, or perhaps just because. Anyhow, this week has been tough, and not just for me alone - a lot of people in my program were feeling the same way. Alas! Perhaps long weekends are bad?!
So, let's see... not that much worth mentioning happened this week. I discovered that the hot-water dispenser near our office outside does not dispense free hot water. They charge us $1 (plus tax) for hot water, to which I gave the poor lady at cash a polite but disapproving lecture on how at my "old University we had hot water dispensers all over campus and it was always free..." to which she replied she felt everywhere charged for hot water and asked me where I was from. So I told her I was from Victoria and my old University was the University of Victoria. She was sweet enough but she still charged me for the hot water, which is appalling. Water should be a right and so should warmth. Our office in the basement of the Social Sciences Centre building is always very cold, and particularly in the afternoons. And somewhere on some contract we had to sign to get the office spaces we agreed not to bring kettles into the office. That's perhaps what should have been my first sign that that students get a lot of abuse here. But no, it didn't send off any warning signals. This weekend did. Not only do we have four assignments due every week (including this past week), and a week from tomorrow our week of 3 midterms begins, and it is mandatory to hand in Scholarship applications for the Ontario Graduate Scholarship (due this past Friday - I'll get to that) and Social Sciences and Humanities Research Scholarship (due this upcoming Friday), but this weekend was almost a complete homework-write-off -- thanks to my lovely University, UWO. On Friday I had to prepare materials for the undergraduate tutorials I teach, then I taught 3 tutorial sections in a row, 12:30-3:30pm. Finally, I had a brief break - during which time I went to the grad club and socialized for maybe an hour. At 6:30pm I had to start preparing for a proctoring/invigilating session I had from 7-9pm, which really lasted past 9pm because after the undergraduate students have finished their exams, the proctors have to collect them, do some counting jobs, and take them back up to the professors. The first twenty minutes of proctoring were eternal. All we do is sit there or walk around watching students to make sure they don't cheat, etc. Then we started the walkabouts checking student cards and collecting signatures, and it started slowly feeling less long from there onwards.
I finally got home to scarf down some leftovers for dinner at around 10pm. Then yesterday, Saturday, I had two more proctoring sessions. Each one takes up about 3 hours of your day. So there went 6 hours of my Saturday. Those sessions didn't feel as long as the first - thankfully - but the last session was a mess. The last session was for the "Principles of Micro" first year undergraduate students -- those are the ones I hold tutorials for. Of course I only hold tutorials for a very small subset of those students, and the ones I was proctoring for were a new mix, but the professor and whomever else was in charge of the organization did a very poor job. We were about eight exams too short, the professor noticed this and then disappeared. Then I started scrambling around other classrooms (after the time the students were supposed to have started) trying to find more exams. The poor undergraduate students were mostly being very patient and understanding of the situation, but what a disaster show for their first midterm as undergraduates at UWO. We found a couple more exams here and there - from other nearby classrooms that were also proctoring the same exam. But then we were still short a few exams and we were also short on Scan-Tron sheets (bubble sheets for filling in the multiple choice questions so they can be sent through a machine and marked automatically). Then, 9minutes past when we were supposed to begin, the professor comes in. By this time only one person was missing an actual exam (a real personality disorder type person, too). Plenty of people were still missing Scan-Trons though. The professor came in carrying a huge pile of newly-photocopied exams. But there were about 20 page 1's in a row followed by 20 page 2's etc. all the way to page 18 of the exam booklet. So we had to madly race through this giant pile of papers trying to collate the pages into one complete exam booklet for the one student. The professor told everyone they could begin, now 13 min. past the start time. I never though so much could go wrong in the first 13min. of a proctoring session. We ended up allowing the necessary students to write down the answers to their multiple choice questions on scrap paper while we still scrambled to find extra bubble sheets. Finally everything was sorted and we could relax and just sit and watch the undergraduates like what is supposed to be the bulk of our responsibilities. The guy who was the last to begin - the one I mentioned I thought had some sort of personality disorder - kept putting up his hand to ask me sassy questions. I forgot to mention he wore his dark, shady aviator sunglasses the whole time during the exam. First, when he was the only person without an exam he asked me, "Can I just leave now and get 70%?"
"No."
Later he was asking me about a multiple choice question and said, "Any of these answers could be true under the right circumstances," which was actually not correct according to the economic theory he had been taught. He went on into some examples and I couldn't really say anything because I couldn't tell him what was right or wrong, but I just told him that if he had a problem with the question he would have to take it up with the professor (who was not in the room at the time) later. Another while into the exam he goes, "Can I go have a smoke?"
"No."
He already wreaked of smoke. My goodness. He left the exam early, too. I feel bad for whomever is teaching his tutorial classes... if he ever shows up.
During that proctoring session I also had to escort one undergraduate student to the washroom. The poor guy had just started, and about twenty minutes in he put up his hand and was embarrassed to tell me so but said he really had to go. I was proctoring with one other graduate student (a girl in fourth year PhD Econ), so she stayed watching the other students while I left the room with the one student.
And that's about it.
Now today is going to be dedicated almost exclusively to getting all my assignments done. But oh let me tell you about another mishap that happened this week. It was Thursday evening and I thought I would do some laundry - the towels. I went to the laundry room on my floor but the better of the machines was being used so I went down one floor and chose a machine there, hoping it would be better than the vacant machine on my floor. Maybe there is one good machine per floor? After I'd put my coins in and started the machine, a lady comes by and says some of the machines haven't been working that well lately. I thought, oh well, mine seems to be fine. I came back the "26 minutes" later to discover the spin cycle was what wasn't working well on my machine. I had to spend over twenty minutes wringing out my water-absorbent towels, each weighing about an extra 10lbs in water. Not only that - I got totally soaked while I was doing so. I had dreamed about wrapping myself in warm towels coming out of the dryer before I'd started, but now that dream had turned into a damp nightmare of tiresome wringing and wringing and wringing... My hands started feeling raw from the repetitive motions and the overexposure to water. In the midst of frustration and fatigue, I learned to appreciate our mothers' mothers and all their mothers before, who must have had skin like leather and patience of a thousand Buddahs, who sacrificed -- or perhaps never even saw -- their personal potential, for the pure purpose of making and keeping their families and their families' families. And it made me so grateful for laundry machines. I would have never made it in that era. My arms are too weak and my patience too short.
There is a brief happy ending for me, though: After 25ish minutes of wringing and another 65min. of the dryer's work, I finally achieved the long sought dream of wrapping myself in warm towels, fresh out of the dryer... Mmmm...